im kind of a slacker... in all aspects of life

So I again have been slacking on updating my blog. And one of those reasons is because I also slacked this semester on working on my Lit. Review for my thesis, and it is due Wednesday, and I have been working on it hardcore for the past three days which leaves minimal blog updating time. I feel like I have also been slacking on seeing all my friends that are going to be leaving soon... It is starting to sink in that they are all going to be gone, moving on and making big changes in their life, and I will be stuck here in Antarctica. So I will update more later. But I need to see you people before you leave damn it. I know I wasn't a huge part of your lives these past 3 years like everyone has been saying, because I am not a SLP major, but I will still miss you guys.

oh thanksgiving break... you're always a delight

So I kind of dropped the ball on updating during the second half of November. Oops. So this entry will be an update about what I did over my week and half long Thanksgiving break.

So I went home the weekend before Thanksgiving and this is exactly how it went down. The night I got home I got wasted. The next night I watched movies. My whole time home proceeded in exactly this order. A night of wastedness, then a night of movies and relaxation. When all was said and done I had an emotional week and my liver is also very upset with me, but I think it was much needed to get me back on track. 

I went down an old path that turned out not so good by attempting to contact someone I probably shouldn't be contacting at all and my life would actually greatly benefit from never seeing them ever again. But as JamFla pointed out to me, I must be glutton for punishment. I don't know what my deal is, I guess I just set myself up for failure or something. 

Needless to say I got rejected a few times over break. No big deal, my life is obviously going on as normal. One of them was just unexpected I guess, and ended up hurting my feelings more than I would have imagined. Don't get me wrong, I'm not heart broken or anything, I guess I had just never sorted through those old emotions and was more sad than I would have thought I would be about the outcome of the situation. 

Then I had a falling out with my step-mother, which I was furious about, the whole situation just really ticked me off. I talked to my dad about it a couple days after it happened and he was not upset at all (which was what I was mostly worried about) so all in all the situation is now resolved as far as I'm concerned. In this instance, resolution equals me having strong feelings of dislike for my step-mom butting in my life when it's none of her business, but that is perfectly fine with me. The only reason she means anything to me is because she means so much to my dad. 

I did not go shopping on Black Friday because A) I am NOT a fan of overcrowded stores and crazy ass shoppers and B) I had to work all day. But Jessica and I did go shopping on Saturday and it was the perfect kind of shopping. It was a mission, we knew what we needed and got in and out and there was not an over abundance of perusing and dicking around. And we pretty much got most of our X-mas shopping done for our mom and dad. 

I also watched the movie Step Brothers over break, and I must say that I LOVE that movie. It is so off the wall its awesome, and it is hilarious. I definitely am going to buy it sometime. As most of you know, I also watched Twilight (for the 2nd time actually last night) and while there was some disappointments, overall it was pretty good. I agree with JamFla about the sweaty/sun dilemma. I also think that Rosalie could have been cast better, but oh well. I am excited to own it on DVD so I can fully enjoy the movie in all my full fledged creepy vampire stalker mode without having to worry about being poked in the side every 3 minutes or listening to 12 year olds screech and yell at each other to shut up. I hope this update will do for now. I need to go work on my assistantship stuff.

life questions

So at this point in my existence it seems that many life questions have come up lately that I feel the need to find answers to and it also seems that there are a LOT of other people I know that are in the same boat. I feel the constant urge recently to find the bigger picture and to see the meaning of it all. There are so many things I am contemplating that I can't even seem to find the words to express it in this blog. My last (and really depressing... sorry about that) post fits into this recent theme in my life of longing for answers. So for now I am going to keep questioning all of these pushes and pull of life that I seem to be experiencing, and I will hopefully come up with some answers and post about them soon. I may even make it into a top ten list of some sort! who knows!

just one of those days

What am I doing with my life? Honestly? I am having one of those days/weeks/years in my life where I am totally confused and lost and it is making me feel hopeless. 

Reasons my life is going somewhere.

1. I have a college degree.

2. I am working on a Master's degree.

3. I have friends and a family that love me.

Reasons my life is going nowhere.

(I understand that some of these things have hidden goodness and maybe I am just being really negative because I'm having a bad day, but still... they suck.)

1. My undergrad degree is pretty much worthless.

2. My Master's degree is also going to be pretty much worthless.

3. I have no idea what kind of career I want.

- and don't say "Oh, you'll figure it out I'm sure" that doesn't help and if I haven't figured it out in 6 years... when will I?

4. Which blends into the fact that I probably won't have a job when I graduate because I don't even know what I should apply for, or what types of jobs I am even qualified for.

- Yes I will have a Master's degree under my belt.. but what does that really mean? If you have a degree that guides you to a specific career (example SLP's) that is awesome.. but mine does not. And I feel completely unqualified to do anything. What skills have I acquired that make me a competitor for ANY type of job???

5. I end my sentences in prepositions frequently (see #4).

6. I have been single for an ungodly amount of time.

- I realize I am picky and that it hasn't been all by choice and I don't "put myself out there" enough so people say... but wtf.. its about damn time... sometimes I feel like God is punishing me and trying to tell me I don't deserve to be happy.

7. I am too picky for my own good.

8. I don't even want to finish my degree.

9. I have a feeling I will just end up moving back to Fort Madison when I graduate which will suck me into a life of loseriness.

- which is not what I want to do. I envision myself living somewhere by a beach but I just don't feel it is realistic and all with ocean side property being expensive, and me not even know what I want to do (but realizing whatever I am going to do isn't going to pay very well) and not having a boyfriend/husband to help pay for a nice beach house, my dream of that and a motorcycle just doesn't appear to be likely.

10. Although my family loves me, sometimes I am not so sure.

- I know people that are annoyed by the fact that their parents call them 5 times a day everyday. And sometimes I am jealous of them. I love my family don't get me wrong, and I know they love me. But sometimes I don't get the love vibe you know? I rarely talk to my dad because that relationship is all screwy, and I feel like my mom and my sister forget about me when I venture to school because they have their busy lives. Last year and this year we aren't even really doing a Thanksgiving together because Jessica does it now with her husband and my mom goes to her boyfriend's Thanksgiving.

11. I have officially hit a plateau in my weight loss.

-  I know I've lost 50 pounds and that's awesome, don't get me wrong. But I've been at a stand still and it sucks.

Wow. I am a big fat whiner. I apologize. I just needed to vent, it's just one of those days.

passive aggressive

i am not a huge fan of people when they are passive aggressive... i will elaborate later. 

really important update

today is monday november 10, 2008.  the time is approximately 2:49 p.m. i worked out today.  i like bitches, beer, and boobs.  sometimes i like to sing in the shower, other times i dont.  people tell me i have a pretty sweet ride.  allison's my name, being a badass is my game, and my titties are my claim to fame. 

my top 10

So here is my top 10 list in response to Jamie's recent post. However, I refuse to put numbers to them because they are all equal in my mind (for the most part).

Here are some things that you will find common among these men that pretty much sum up my ideal man.

• sense of humor/comedic abilities
• raw badassness
• tattoos

There are also other, more practical, things that I find necessary in my immense pickiness when it comes to the opposite sex (like charm, honesty, and sweetness) but the above mentioned qualities give the sexiness that I crave.

WENTWORTH MILLER - I also seem to have a common theme of actors that aren't very good. Which means they've made it to the business solely on looks, which I am at peace with. Wentworth is the star of the show Prison Break, which I love. And he plays a badass, with alot of tattoos. And I love him for it.

SULLY ERNA - He is the lead singer of Godsmack. I have been in love with him since I saw Godsmack in concert in 2004. It was a kickass concert and his stage presence just did something for me. However, a couple years ago I found out he is only 5'6" or something like that, which kind of made me just really like him instead of love him. But he still holds a special place in my heart.

PAUL WALKER - He is an actor. A shitty one. But I don't discriminate, I have no qualms sitting through his awful movies just so I can stare at him the entire time.

SHIA LABEOUF - Sometimes when I realize that I am highly attracted to him I creep myself out, because I can still remember when he was on Even Stevens and was a little boy. But then I remember how he is NOT 12 anymore and it's allowed. Kickass sense of humor = irresistible.

LEONARDO DICAPRIO - So earlier when I was discussing that all of the men in my top 10 list were equal, Leo was the exception. I would put him at the top of this list but I don't know how to move the pictures I uploaded. I must admit that I had a crush on him after Romeo and Juliet, and also Titanic. I grew out of that however, and developed a full fledged love for him as he grew older and developed a more masculine build and became a badass. The major reason I fell in love with him was his role in The Departed and the way he sometimes talks out of the side of his mouth is even hot to me. I wish I was a supermodel so that I could make it onto the list of girls he dates.

CHANNING TATUM - Also not the best thespian in the world, but all the same he is gorgeous. Plus he can dance, which makes him extremely sexy.

 

RYAN REYNOLDS - Another man with a sense of humor that I find appealing, and the body and scruffiness that he pulls off that tops this delicious treat off. And I couldn't be more excited that he is married to Scarlett Johanson because I dig her.

SCOTT SPEEDMAN - Fell in love with this charmer when I got addicted to the show Felicity. I own the whole series on DVD. Every role I see him in I still think of him as Ben. And while he did mess up, and Noel may have been the right choice for Felicity... Ben is the right choice for ME. 

CHARLIE HUNNAM - I have only seen him in one movie (Green Street Hooligans), but he played such a badass and he looks so gorgeous with OR without hair, that I find him utterly attractive.

KEVIN NASH/BONE DADDY - They are one man really, so don't be fooled. Kevin Nash... Bone Daddy... Big Sexy... There names are interchangeable because they share the same essence. There is not much else about their qualities that I can put into words, because they are so astonishing, so I guess you will just have to decipher their appeal yourself.

the twilight series

Last night I finally finished the final book of the twilight series, and I must say that I am really excited for the movie!!!

wolfpac

This is my advice for Halloween this year... no scratch that. This is my advice for life. Don't turn your back on the wolfpac, cause you might wind up in a body bag.

i feel like im taking crazy pills

Holy shit. I feel like my life has been in shambles for the last week or so. I got ridiculously unsober for my birthday on Friday and did god knows what with my life that night. I thought that I had been texting someone who had asked me to go eat on Sunday and said he was gonna call, but then I got no call. So I wasn't sure if I actually was taking crazy pills or if I had had a dream about it and accidentally made it up in my head or something. Because I've been known to do that, I have dreams that are so vivid and real that I can't distinguish whether or not they happened and it sometimes confuses my brain a lot. Oops. 

I feel this is going to be a long ranting and raving blog for all of you. So I apologize now. I have been single for a really long time, that is no secret. Don't feel sorry for me because it's mostly by choice. I am extremely picky and it takes me a long time to open up to people. I must admit it would be hard to be somebody else and try to bulldoze my brick wall I use as a personal safety mechanism. I am just hoping that someone will think it is worth it eventually. 

But anyway, the reason I am talking about being single is because I feel I have learned so much from watching other people's relationships; good or bad. Maybe even more than I would have if I had been in any of them. I've realized that people in relationships do not make sense. Some of the strongest people that I know get in relationships that do not make any sense to an outsider like me. They get into or stay in relationships because they are scared to start over or to be alone. This truly breaks my heart. It seems to me that everyone is on this life timeline and everyone feels like they are behind. Hey people.... Make your own fucking life timeline, and instead of using endings that society thinks are acceptable (college degrees, shitloads of money, marriage, children) make your own ending that makes sense... like happiness! And by the way when people are not happy and assume they will be as soon as they get married/have kids/win the lottery or whatever it is... I have news for them. That isn't going to fix everything. If you aren't happy first, those things aren't going to do the trick.

So here's my advice, 1) really truly look at your relationships and decide what you want/need from those relationships, 2) WHY you need those things, and 3) if you are truly getting what you need and DESERVE. 

And because I have felt a little lost in my life lately I'm going to try to take my reverse advice and truly recognize why I am scared of relationships and why I'm really picky (instead of most people I know that are stuck in shitty ones, I'm the reverse). I am going to attempt to open myself up more and let people in, while keeping in mind that settling is not an option. 

what a glorious weekend

I haven't updated in awhile because I don't really have anything big to discuss. So instead I will make a list of short things that don't need elaboration for the fact that they are really boring OR that they are so ridiculously crazy that I probably should not elaborate. 

1. i had fun this weekend

2. i got ridiculously wasted on friday night

3. i texted someone i shouldnt have on friday night

4. my roommate is obsessed with the show house

5. i got absolutely nothing productive done this weekend homework wise

6. i am excited for my birthday

7. there is alot of shit i need to get done this week

8. i feel a really strong urge to go to see a psychic... which can only mean that i feel lost in my life right now

9. my room is REALLY messy

10. i have drank about 4 gallons of water since friday and im STILL super thirsty

11. the cheese stands alone

12. derek is currently eating peanut butter out of the jar... and im jealous

have a good week everyone!

holla

im getting really excited for my birthday! yay!

all in favor say 'i'

i vote that vanessa needs to make a blog... or else.

twilight

So with 1) this new movie coming out, 2) jamie having read the whole series and me not being able to read her posts on them because i didnt want to ruin the books for myself, and 3) me being a fan of vampire movies and books since junior high, even if they suck balls... all of the previous facts add up to the reason that i decided to read the twilight series. in fact the first book in the series is the book i couldnt get my hands on at the library for about 3 weeks, and in fact it could be debated that i was 'stalking' this book... but WHATEVER.. i already know im creepy. 

needless to say, i finished the first book last night: twilight. i was going to buy 'new moon' at wal-mart last night but jamfla reassured me that brian had all 4 copies back and she would let me borrow them... but oops.. brian left them at home.. like a twilight series hoarder!! and the stupid library said a copy was available but it wasn't where it was supposed to be. 

anyway the point of this post is to express my opinions about the first book before reading the rest of the series, and also prior to reading jamie's opinions... im gonna try to make an unbiased review... so here it goes.

maybe its because i dig vampires, or because i havent read other vampire books in a while.. but i really liked this book. let me be clear that by saying 'i really liked this book' does not mean it was super well written, or the best book of all time, but it means i enjoyed reading it. i tried to read it with an open mind because this story (romeo and juliet, vampire and human, cinderella, or shrek) has been done a million times. i cant exactly put into words why i liked the book but i DID... so back off. dont be a hater. now im either going to go stalk the next book in the series or buy it at wal-mart. 

just curious

does anybody besides jamfla read this mess i call my blog?

24 is a kickass number

yes... it has recently come to my attention that i have been slacking on this whole blog thing... jamfla has updated like 8 times since my last chuck norris ramblings. so today i will talk about the reasons why i love the number 24.

• i was born on the 24th of the month
•  it is 24 days until my birthday
• this year i will be 24
• the above reasons make it my Star Birthday this year!!
•  there are 24 hours in a day
•  there are 24 beers in a case... its fate

i was going to list 24 things that are badass about the number 24... but i got to 13 and kind of ran out... and that's a long way to stretch so... oh well i guess.  

last night i hung out at jamfla's and i realized that i love hanging out with my friends. and i read about how she was blogging about how she misses alot of her old friends. and i kind of realize that i do not have a buttload of old friends. there is the half mexicans (sanch and nissa) from fort maddy which will always be my really good friends.. and then there is the new half mexican (jamfla) that has sneaked into my life, who i enjoy. but most of the people that i was REALLY good friends with, i do not talk to more than once a month. Celena, Kay, and Katie are all knocked up and i'm just not at that juncture in my life. Someone that I was really good friends with right after high school moved back to Georgia with her brother and I haven't seen her in 2 years, or talked to her in that long either. 

this makes me feel awful. but then i realize that people grow apart when their lives start to be completely opposite. and then again, i've always been the type to keep a few friends near and dear to my heart instead of having 800 acquaintances. i know people grow apart, especially when their lives take them in different directions. i'm just scared for the time when my current bEsTiEs and i move different directions in our lives. :(

chuck norris can lick his own elbow

i like to watch walker, texas ranger when i was younger. before it was so lame it was cool.. i watched it when i thought it WASN'T lame. which is embarassing. here is a list of some of my favorite chuck norris facts. i love this phenomenon that started a few years ago, because they are so ridiculously awesome. i have also noticed some of these same types of facts have started to pop up about michael phelps, which is also gloriously ridiculous.

1. Chuck Norris doesn't have to do anything for a klondike bar.

2. Chuck Norris CAN believes it's not butter.

3. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac from Burger King and got one. 

4. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. 

5. Chuck Norris counted to infinity... twice.

6. Chuck Norris doesn't get wet, watered gets Chucked.

7. Chuck Norris knows a word that rhymes with purple.

8. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

9. Chuck Norris can put Baby in a corner.

10. Chuck Norris can tear the tags off of mattresses.

11. Chuck Norris doesn't punch a time clock. It sees him coming, begs for mercy, and punches itself.

12. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC claiming that Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right leg.

13. Chuck Norris can talk about fight club.

i hate the library

it has been awhile since i've posted because my life is pretty much boring. 

i hate the library. why, you ask? because it is the birthplace of lucifer. being there is like taking me a huge buffet of wonderful food, but all i am allowed to eat are nasty ass green beans. i love reading for leisure when it is books that i choose or like. but no, everytime i am at the library i am reading for my damn thesis. and i decided last week that i need to be reading one book for leisure on the side of all my homework and shit because otherwise i might go insane. but the one book i am interested in reading right now is not available! it has been checked out for like 2 weeks. finally, a few days ago someone turned it back in (i creepily and stalkerishly check the availability of this book online every few hours) but the couple days when i go to find it, it is nowhere to be found! wtf mate?? this is why i hate the library.

and the other library (the drinking establishment on the hill) that is located right behind my apartment is also the spawn of satan. because every thursday night there is this lovely contraption that they set up called a karaoke machine. and when they sing karaoke there it sounds like someone is singing from my living room because its so close. needless to say, the library should take a suckle on my left tit. that is all my ranting for now.

FAC here i come at 4 today!!

i have nothing of worth to say

no seriously. i pretty much feel lost in life. imagine that. i just really want to be done with my thesis so that i can graduate and be done in may. but then what am i going to do? i have no idea. i am not even sure what types of jobs i could get. i was thinking about applying for a state job of some kind to maybe work for the DEA, DCI, at a prison, or somewhere along those lines. but you have to pass a lie detector test. which is fine. except you can't get hired if you've smoked anytime within the past 2 years, or if you've smoked more than 15 times in your life. and lets be serious... i will get nervous when they ask those questions and then fail the lie detector test and be forced to work the drive-thru at mcdonalds for the rest of my life.. (this is probably untrue) but i dont know what im going to do or where im going to ive.... so any suggestions??

i am a whore

i have come to the realization that i am a whore, in the dvr/tivo sense. my sister has had dvr at her house for the past few years and i have thoroughly enjoyed the perk of this amazing invention. however, i recently received the immense pleasure of owning this superb contraption. derek (my slutty roommate) dvr's one show, while i record about 12 different shows. i really just can't resist. because it's so convenient! everything is too convenient for my own good. not only am i watching hours of pointless, mind-numbing television programs; but i also get to now watch these shows at my own convenience instead of only at their regularly scheduled times. at least being a dvr whore isn't as socially unacceptable as being a crack whore... thank god. 

a little bit about myself

so here are some things about myself to start off my blog.

i am a graduate student working on my master's degree in criminology. if all goes as planned i should be graduating in may, but that means i should probably get my ass in gear and get my thesis done asap. i'm doing an analysis of high speed police pursuit policies. it's not as complicated as it sounds. 

when i write papers and shit for school i use correct grammar, punctuation, and all that jazz. but when i type things informally (such as this blog) then i pretty much do what i want. so get over it. i usually put about four periods behind each sentence so consider yourself lucky that i am currently only using one. 

i get really excited about things that most people would probably label as lame. but that is probably because i am lame. so many of my upcoming blog entries will probably entail me attempting to explain the inner workings of my brain, whether it be lame things i really like or lame things i really dislike. blog entries might also include issues that have me perplexed or are troubling me.

i think this introduction will suffice for now, because i could probably type random shit forever. but for right now i just realized that the movie 3 ninjas is on tv... so i must go and enjoy the shit out of it like the lame person that i am. 

i love philip defranco

I love watching the philip defranco show on youtube. He cracks me up. That is all for now. I will elaborate later. 

to blog or not to blog

So I have recently decided that blogging might be a good idea for me. I am taking after JamFla because she is so badass. In addition, I used to have a xanga site that I updated and frequently which I thoroughly enjoyed. Another plus for blogging would be procrastination. During the school year I find myself constantly going online and trying to put off getting homework done for as long as possible. I feel that a blog might be a bit more productive and/or therapeutic than facebook or myspace.

So I guess this post kicks off the start of my blog!