life questions

So at this point in my existence it seems that many life questions have come up lately that I feel the need to find answers to and it also seems that there are a LOT of other people I know that are in the same boat. I feel the constant urge recently to find the bigger picture and to see the meaning of it all. There are so many things I am contemplating that I can't even seem to find the words to express it in this blog. My last (and really depressing... sorry about that) post fits into this recent theme in my life of longing for answers. So for now I am going to keep questioning all of these pushes and pull of life that I seem to be experiencing, and I will hopefully come up with some answers and post about them soon. I may even make it into a top ten list of some sort! who knows!

just one of those days

What am I doing with my life? Honestly? I am having one of those days/weeks/years in my life where I am totally confused and lost and it is making me feel hopeless. 

Reasons my life is going somewhere.

1. I have a college degree.

2. I am working on a Master's degree.

3. I have friends and a family that love me.

Reasons my life is going nowhere.

(I understand that some of these things have hidden goodness and maybe I am just being really negative because I'm having a bad day, but still... they suck.)

1. My undergrad degree is pretty much worthless.

2. My Master's degree is also going to be pretty much worthless.

3. I have no idea what kind of career I want.

- and don't say "Oh, you'll figure it out I'm sure" that doesn't help and if I haven't figured it out in 6 years... when will I?

4. Which blends into the fact that I probably won't have a job when I graduate because I don't even know what I should apply for, or what types of jobs I am even qualified for.

- Yes I will have a Master's degree under my belt.. but what does that really mean? If you have a degree that guides you to a specific career (example SLP's) that is awesome.. but mine does not. And I feel completely unqualified to do anything. What skills have I acquired that make me a competitor for ANY type of job???

5. I end my sentences in prepositions frequently (see #4).

6. I have been single for an ungodly amount of time.

- I realize I am picky and that it hasn't been all by choice and I don't "put myself out there" enough so people say... but wtf.. its about damn time... sometimes I feel like God is punishing me and trying to tell me I don't deserve to be happy.

7. I am too picky for my own good.

8. I don't even want to finish my degree.

9. I have a feeling I will just end up moving back to Fort Madison when I graduate which will suck me into a life of loseriness.

- which is not what I want to do. I envision myself living somewhere by a beach but I just don't feel it is realistic and all with ocean side property being expensive, and me not even know what I want to do (but realizing whatever I am going to do isn't going to pay very well) and not having a boyfriend/husband to help pay for a nice beach house, my dream of that and a motorcycle just doesn't appear to be likely.

10. Although my family loves me, sometimes I am not so sure.

- I know people that are annoyed by the fact that their parents call them 5 times a day everyday. And sometimes I am jealous of them. I love my family don't get me wrong, and I know they love me. But sometimes I don't get the love vibe you know? I rarely talk to my dad because that relationship is all screwy, and I feel like my mom and my sister forget about me when I venture to school because they have their busy lives. Last year and this year we aren't even really doing a Thanksgiving together because Jessica does it now with her husband and my mom goes to her boyfriend's Thanksgiving.

11. I have officially hit a plateau in my weight loss.

-  I know I've lost 50 pounds and that's awesome, don't get me wrong. But I've been at a stand still and it sucks.

Wow. I am a big fat whiner. I apologize. I just needed to vent, it's just one of those days.

passive aggressive

i am not a huge fan of people when they are passive aggressive... i will elaborate later. 

really important update

today is monday november 10, 2008.  the time is approximately 2:49 p.m. i worked out today.  i like bitches, beer, and boobs.  sometimes i like to sing in the shower, other times i dont.  people tell me i have a pretty sweet ride.  allison's my name, being a badass is my game, and my titties are my claim to fame. 

my top 10

So here is my top 10 list in response to Jamie's recent post. However, I refuse to put numbers to them because they are all equal in my mind (for the most part).

Here are some things that you will find common among these men that pretty much sum up my ideal man.

• sense of humor/comedic abilities
• raw badassness
• tattoos

There are also other, more practical, things that I find necessary in my immense pickiness when it comes to the opposite sex (like charm, honesty, and sweetness) but the above mentioned qualities give the sexiness that I crave.

WENTWORTH MILLER - I also seem to have a common theme of actors that aren't very good. Which means they've made it to the business solely on looks, which I am at peace with. Wentworth is the star of the show Prison Break, which I love. And he plays a badass, with alot of tattoos. And I love him for it.

SULLY ERNA - He is the lead singer of Godsmack. I have been in love with him since I saw Godsmack in concert in 2004. It was a kickass concert and his stage presence just did something for me. However, a couple years ago I found out he is only 5'6" or something like that, which kind of made me just really like him instead of love him. But he still holds a special place in my heart.

PAUL WALKER - He is an actor. A shitty one. But I don't discriminate, I have no qualms sitting through his awful movies just so I can stare at him the entire time.

SHIA LABEOUF - Sometimes when I realize that I am highly attracted to him I creep myself out, because I can still remember when he was on Even Stevens and was a little boy. But then I remember how he is NOT 12 anymore and it's allowed. Kickass sense of humor = irresistible.

LEONARDO DICAPRIO - So earlier when I was discussing that all of the men in my top 10 list were equal, Leo was the exception. I would put him at the top of this list but I don't know how to move the pictures I uploaded. I must admit that I had a crush on him after Romeo and Juliet, and also Titanic. I grew out of that however, and developed a full fledged love for him as he grew older and developed a more masculine build and became a badass. The major reason I fell in love with him was his role in The Departed and the way he sometimes talks out of the side of his mouth is even hot to me. I wish I was a supermodel so that I could make it onto the list of girls he dates.

CHANNING TATUM - Also not the best thespian in the world, but all the same he is gorgeous. Plus he can dance, which makes him extremely sexy.

 

RYAN REYNOLDS - Another man with a sense of humor that I find appealing, and the body and scruffiness that he pulls off that tops this delicious treat off. And I couldn't be more excited that he is married to Scarlett Johanson because I dig her.

SCOTT SPEEDMAN - Fell in love with this charmer when I got addicted to the show Felicity. I own the whole series on DVD. Every role I see him in I still think of him as Ben. And while he did mess up, and Noel may have been the right choice for Felicity... Ben is the right choice for ME. 

CHARLIE HUNNAM - I have only seen him in one movie (Green Street Hooligans), but he played such a badass and he looks so gorgeous with OR without hair, that I find him utterly attractive.

KEVIN NASH/BONE DADDY - They are one man really, so don't be fooled. Kevin Nash... Bone Daddy... Big Sexy... There names are interchangeable because they share the same essence. There is not much else about their qualities that I can put into words, because they are so astonishing, so I guess you will just have to decipher their appeal yourself.

the twilight series

Last night I finally finished the final book of the twilight series, and I must say that I am really excited for the movie!!!