I feel this is going to be a long ranting and raving blog for all of you. So I apologize now. I have been single for a really long time, that is no secret. Don't feel sorry for me because it's mostly by choice. I am extremely picky and it takes me a long time to open up to people. I must admit it would be hard to be somebody else and try to bulldoze my brick wall I use as a personal safety mechanism. I am just hoping that someone will think it is worth it eventually.
But anyway, the reason I am talking about being single is because I feel I have learned so much from watching other people's relationships; good or bad. Maybe even more than I would have if I had been in any of them. I've realized that people in relationships do not make sense. Some of the strongest people that I know get in relationships that do not make any sense to an outsider like me. They get into or stay in relationships because they are scared to start over or to be alone. This truly breaks my heart. It seems to me that everyone is on this life timeline and everyone feels like they are behind. Hey people.... Make your own fucking life timeline, and instead of using endings that society thinks are acceptable (college degrees, shitloads of money, marriage, children) make your own ending that makes sense... like happiness! And by the way when people are not happy and assume they will be as soon as they get married/have kids/win the lottery or whatever it is... I have news for them. That isn't going to fix everything. If you aren't happy first, those things aren't going to do the trick.
So here's my advice, 1) really truly look at your relationships and decide what you want/need from those relationships, 2) WHY you need those things, and 3) if you are truly getting what you need and DESERVE.
And because I have felt a little lost in my life lately I'm going to try to take my reverse advice and truly recognize why I am scared of relationships and why I'm really picky (instead of most people I know that are stuck in shitty ones, I'm the reverse). I am going to attempt to open myself up more and let people in, while keeping in mind that settling is not an option.
3 comments:
Sometimes I feel like you are the wise owl and I am Winnie the Pooh. Or maybe Eeyore because he has nice taste in the bitches. I relate to the dream thing. I seriously thought that SpongeBob Movie thing was real. Oh, and relationships tend to be strangely like mirrors. They show us our shitty self, our insecurities, our holes, our insanities, etc. However, we choose to change or accept that mirror and deal with that level of shitty. I hope I choose lesser level of shitty. Like the Love Guru I will have great taste and live single with a soul patch.
Maybe that's my problem... I've been scared to look in the mirror... but I really truly think it's time to have a looksee.
it's really easy to call the shots from the sidelines. easier said than done, it doesn't matter how messed up everything is. when you throw in emotion, nothing makes sense.
Post a Comment