chuck norris can lick his own elbow

i like to watch walker, texas ranger when i was younger. before it was so lame it was cool.. i watched it when i thought it WASN'T lame. which is embarassing. here is a list of some of my favorite chuck norris facts. i love this phenomenon that started a few years ago, because they are so ridiculously awesome. i have also noticed some of these same types of facts have started to pop up about michael phelps, which is also gloriously ridiculous.

1. Chuck Norris doesn't have to do anything for a klondike bar.

2. Chuck Norris CAN believes it's not butter.

3. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac from Burger King and got one. 

4. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. 

5. Chuck Norris counted to infinity... twice.

6. Chuck Norris doesn't get wet, watered gets Chucked.

7. Chuck Norris knows a word that rhymes with purple.

8. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

9. Chuck Norris can put Baby in a corner.

10. Chuck Norris can tear the tags off of mattresses.

11. Chuck Norris doesn't punch a time clock. It sees him coming, begs for mercy, and punches itself.

12. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC claiming that Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right leg.

13. Chuck Norris can talk about fight club.

i hate the library

it has been awhile since i've posted because my life is pretty much boring. 

i hate the library. why, you ask? because it is the birthplace of lucifer. being there is like taking me a huge buffet of wonderful food, but all i am allowed to eat are nasty ass green beans. i love reading for leisure when it is books that i choose or like. but no, everytime i am at the library i am reading for my damn thesis. and i decided last week that i need to be reading one book for leisure on the side of all my homework and shit because otherwise i might go insane. but the one book i am interested in reading right now is not available! it has been checked out for like 2 weeks. finally, a few days ago someone turned it back in (i creepily and stalkerishly check the availability of this book online every few hours) but the couple days when i go to find it, it is nowhere to be found! wtf mate?? this is why i hate the library.

and the other library (the drinking establishment on the hill) that is located right behind my apartment is also the spawn of satan. because every thursday night there is this lovely contraption that they set up called a karaoke machine. and when they sing karaoke there it sounds like someone is singing from my living room because its so close. needless to say, the library should take a suckle on my left tit. that is all my ranting for now.

FAC here i come at 4 today!!

i have nothing of worth to say

no seriously. i pretty much feel lost in life. imagine that. i just really want to be done with my thesis so that i can graduate and be done in may. but then what am i going to do? i have no idea. i am not even sure what types of jobs i could get. i was thinking about applying for a state job of some kind to maybe work for the DEA, DCI, at a prison, or somewhere along those lines. but you have to pass a lie detector test. which is fine. except you can't get hired if you've smoked anytime within the past 2 years, or if you've smoked more than 15 times in your life. and lets be serious... i will get nervous when they ask those questions and then fail the lie detector test and be forced to work the drive-thru at mcdonalds for the rest of my life.. (this is probably untrue) but i dont know what im going to do or where im going to ive.... so any suggestions??

i am a whore

i have come to the realization that i am a whore, in the dvr/tivo sense. my sister has had dvr at her house for the past few years and i have thoroughly enjoyed the perk of this amazing invention. however, i recently received the immense pleasure of owning this superb contraption. derek (my slutty roommate) dvr's one show, while i record about 12 different shows. i really just can't resist. because it's so convenient! everything is too convenient for my own good. not only am i watching hours of pointless, mind-numbing television programs; but i also get to now watch these shows at my own convenience instead of only at their regularly scheduled times. at least being a dvr whore isn't as socially unacceptable as being a crack whore... thank god.