wolfpac

This is my advice for Halloween this year... no scratch that. This is my advice for life. Don't turn your back on the wolfpac, cause you might wind up in a body bag.

i feel like im taking crazy pills

Holy shit. I feel like my life has been in shambles for the last week or so. I got ridiculously unsober for my birthday on Friday and did god knows what with my life that night. I thought that I had been texting someone who had asked me to go eat on Sunday and said he was gonna call, but then I got no call. So I wasn't sure if I actually was taking crazy pills or if I had had a dream about it and accidentally made it up in my head or something. Because I've been known to do that, I have dreams that are so vivid and real that I can't distinguish whether or not they happened and it sometimes confuses my brain a lot. Oops. 

I feel this is going to be a long ranting and raving blog for all of you. So I apologize now. I have been single for a really long time, that is no secret. Don't feel sorry for me because it's mostly by choice. I am extremely picky and it takes me a long time to open up to people. I must admit it would be hard to be somebody else and try to bulldoze my brick wall I use as a personal safety mechanism. I am just hoping that someone will think it is worth it eventually. 

But anyway, the reason I am talking about being single is because I feel I have learned so much from watching other people's relationships; good or bad. Maybe even more than I would have if I had been in any of them. I've realized that people in relationships do not make sense. Some of the strongest people that I know get in relationships that do not make any sense to an outsider like me. They get into or stay in relationships because they are scared to start over or to be alone. This truly breaks my heart. It seems to me that everyone is on this life timeline and everyone feels like they are behind. Hey people.... Make your own fucking life timeline, and instead of using endings that society thinks are acceptable (college degrees, shitloads of money, marriage, children) make your own ending that makes sense... like happiness! And by the way when people are not happy and assume they will be as soon as they get married/have kids/win the lottery or whatever it is... I have news for them. That isn't going to fix everything. If you aren't happy first, those things aren't going to do the trick.

So here's my advice, 1) really truly look at your relationships and decide what you want/need from those relationships, 2) WHY you need those things, and 3) if you are truly getting what you need and DESERVE. 

And because I have felt a little lost in my life lately I'm going to try to take my reverse advice and truly recognize why I am scared of relationships and why I'm really picky (instead of most people I know that are stuck in shitty ones, I'm the reverse). I am going to attempt to open myself up more and let people in, while keeping in mind that settling is not an option. 

what a glorious weekend

I haven't updated in awhile because I don't really have anything big to discuss. So instead I will make a list of short things that don't need elaboration for the fact that they are really boring OR that they are so ridiculously crazy that I probably should not elaborate. 

1. i had fun this weekend

2. i got ridiculously wasted on friday night

3. i texted someone i shouldnt have on friday night

4. my roommate is obsessed with the show house

5. i got absolutely nothing productive done this weekend homework wise

6. i am excited for my birthday

7. there is alot of shit i need to get done this week

8. i feel a really strong urge to go to see a psychic... which can only mean that i feel lost in my life right now

9. my room is REALLY messy

10. i have drank about 4 gallons of water since friday and im STILL super thirsty

11. the cheese stands alone

12. derek is currently eating peanut butter out of the jar... and im jealous

have a good week everyone!

holla

im getting really excited for my birthday! yay!

all in favor say 'i'

i vote that vanessa needs to make a blog... or else.

twilight

So with 1) this new movie coming out, 2) jamie having read the whole series and me not being able to read her posts on them because i didnt want to ruin the books for myself, and 3) me being a fan of vampire movies and books since junior high, even if they suck balls... all of the previous facts add up to the reason that i decided to read the twilight series. in fact the first book in the series is the book i couldnt get my hands on at the library for about 3 weeks, and in fact it could be debated that i was 'stalking' this book... but WHATEVER.. i already know im creepy. 

needless to say, i finished the first book last night: twilight. i was going to buy 'new moon' at wal-mart last night but jamfla reassured me that brian had all 4 copies back and she would let me borrow them... but oops.. brian left them at home.. like a twilight series hoarder!! and the stupid library said a copy was available but it wasn't where it was supposed to be. 

anyway the point of this post is to express my opinions about the first book before reading the rest of the series, and also prior to reading jamie's opinions... im gonna try to make an unbiased review... so here it goes.

maybe its because i dig vampires, or because i havent read other vampire books in a while.. but i really liked this book. let me be clear that by saying 'i really liked this book' does not mean it was super well written, or the best book of all time, but it means i enjoyed reading it. i tried to read it with an open mind because this story (romeo and juliet, vampire and human, cinderella, or shrek) has been done a million times. i cant exactly put into words why i liked the book but i DID... so back off. dont be a hater. now im either going to go stalk the next book in the series or buy it at wal-mart. 

just curious

does anybody besides jamfla read this mess i call my blog?

24 is a kickass number

yes... it has recently come to my attention that i have been slacking on this whole blog thing... jamfla has updated like 8 times since my last chuck norris ramblings. so today i will talk about the reasons why i love the number 24.

• i was born on the 24th of the month
•  it is 24 days until my birthday
• this year i will be 24
• the above reasons make it my Star Birthday this year!!
•  there are 24 hours in a day
•  there are 24 beers in a case... its fate

i was going to list 24 things that are badass about the number 24... but i got to 13 and kind of ran out... and that's a long way to stretch so... oh well i guess.  

last night i hung out at jamfla's and i realized that i love hanging out with my friends. and i read about how she was blogging about how she misses alot of her old friends. and i kind of realize that i do not have a buttload of old friends. there is the half mexicans (sanch and nissa) from fort maddy which will always be my really good friends.. and then there is the new half mexican (jamfla) that has sneaked into my life, who i enjoy. but most of the people that i was REALLY good friends with, i do not talk to more than once a month. Celena, Kay, and Katie are all knocked up and i'm just not at that juncture in my life. Someone that I was really good friends with right after high school moved back to Georgia with her brother and I haven't seen her in 2 years, or talked to her in that long either. 

this makes me feel awful. but then i realize that people grow apart when their lives start to be completely opposite. and then again, i've always been the type to keep a few friends near and dear to my heart instead of having 800 acquaintances. i know people grow apart, especially when their lives take them in different directions. i'm just scared for the time when my current bEsTiEs and i move different directions in our lives. :(